Surviving Life

Everyone is an ocean inside. Every individual walking the street. Everyone is a universe of thoughts, and insights, and feelings. But every person is crippled in his or her own way by our inability to truly present ourselves to the world.

– Khaled Hosseini

The journey of life is an interesting one, and each of us has our own path to trudge. Along the way there are a plethora of choices to choose, and, yet, what’s broken in me may stop me from choosing what could most likely heal me. But even if I don’t choose the needed medicine today, I may choose tomorrow or the day after that or the day after that.

For a long time I was spiritually and emotionally crippled and constantly ignored any opportunity that presented itself to me. I was surviving life, you see. I didn’t have time to do anything different.

Then one day came, when my eyes opened or maybe it was my mind or both, or maybe I was just done trying to heal myself. I decided to choose something I would never have chosen before.

From that choice, I received the healing I needed. And over time, with practice and patience, I began to live a different life. A life where I was better able to present who I truly was and am to the world, and to myself.

But there is always more healing to be done, more learning to take in, and more ways to grow than what I readily see from the onset.

Today I know what freedom from fear feels like. But, for me, to sustain that freedom I need to see myself through the lens of honesty and love.

I must cultivate willingness on a daily basis to see what fetters me in my relations with others and myself, because there is always a situation or an engagement with another that will trigger my fear. That fear may lead me to believe my “old” ways of doing life are the answer, even though they are not.

Today I choose not to live in fear. But, the truth is, fear will come, whether I want to live in it or not. Fear will rattle my insides and charge my unneeded reactions. This is inevitable.

This inevitableness of fear doesn’t need to take over and destroy my life though. I can face whatever fear comes, shaking and disturbed, and choose differently than what my fear yells at me to choose.

I can choose differently.

 

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