To dream anything that you want to dream, that is the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do, that is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself, to test your limits, that is the courage to succeed.
– Bernard Edmonds
Dreaming is a natural state of being for me. I can rest anywhere, at anytime, and dream, almost to the point of getting lost in the dream, of waking and believing the dream might have actually happened.
Yes, I can do that, get lost inside my own head with all the voices of my committee who like to tell me what to do. They’re there, and to deny there existence is down right mad.
Now, let’s pause for a moment and recognize the fact that I do not need to be committed just because I have an active committee in my head. After all, don’t we all? Otherwise the movie Inside Out wouldn’t have been made and watched and related to.
The important thing is I don’t always do what my committee tells me to do. Thank goodness, because I used to and got into more trouble than I care to admit. I do have a bunch of “funny” stories, right?
Mostly, the committee is negative, saying things like: “That won’t work;” “You can’t do that;” “You’re not smart enough;” or “No one really likes you anyway. They’re just pretending.” And so on.
Needless to say, trusting myself in making decisions was a difficult undertaking, and even now, even though I’m way better and laugh more at what my committee says than not, I can have difficulty in trusting what this nogin’ of mine comes up with.
Ultimately, I have to get down to the facts of my situation instead of mucking around in the emotion of it all.
Here’s a little story: Last night, while tucking my boys into bed, they brought up their own committees and the things they say, though that’s not the terminology they used, but I knew what they were talking about. Even at the young ages of ten and twelve, they too can experience the never-ending barrage of negative self-talk.
Very interesting.
How could my boys, who aren’t pummeled with negative comments from their family and friends, be cornered by their own minds, like a hungry cat with a mouse? Maybe having a committee in the head is more human than not, just something we all have to deal with at some point.
I offered them my experience on the subject: Don’t live in silence with what the committee tells you, talk to someone.
The committee likes to get me alone and take advantage of any insecurities or vulnerabilities I may have.
Sometimes I don’t even know I’m feeling sensitive about something until the committee begins to discuss what obviously should be different, either with me or with someone else.
When I divulge the secrets the committee wants me to keep, I begin to live in the truth of who I am, the whole picture of me.
And the whole picture of me includes my flaws as well as my talents and strengths. When I see myself in my entirety, I can dream and act on those dreams.
I can trust myself and believe if I put in the effort, success is possible, even if that success be only the knowledge that I tried, that I put my best foot forward. My committee need not win; at least, not today.
Weathered Well 